Message In a Bottle

Update

2011-07-31T09:56:00.000-07:00

I am trying to end the emotional writing void I have hit over the last . . three years. Vincent is growing up so fast. I will include his latest pictures. He will 1 year in 25 days. I try to hold on and cherish every moment with him. I'm afraid that I will blink and he will be married with his own kids. My mom always makes me worried that time will escape me and I will have regrets about all the time that I wasted. Every morning that I wake up exhausted again, I try to remind myself that Vincent will only want my attention for so many years.

This summer has been packed with camping trips. Here is pictures from Vincents first three camping trips

Vincent does really well camping, but hates how his mom won't let him play in the dirt like Lucy.

I really wanted Vincent to experience fireworks this year, but stupid Utah did the stadium of fire two days before the actual holiday and I assumed it would be the day of Independence Day - silly me what was I thinking . . . Here is a cute video from the freedom festival.

Jesse is in school right now and he is going into engineering. He seems to really like, but the stress of getting through school drains him. I try not to say anything to him, but he knows it kills me to leave Vincent everyday. Everyday when I leave he gives me this sad puppy look that says, "I did this to you."

Work has been really great this summer. This summer has been full of surprises so thank goodness the kids give me plenty of hugs to make up for the stress. I watched and feel that I helped a kid completely transform his behavior from feeding off of every negative thing he could to now saying "yes ma'am" to me. I never asked him to say that, but he loves the attention he gets from being so polite and good. Its been a very fulfilling summer. Luckily those kids keep me busy enough not to miss home too much. Some of my favorite quotes of the Summer are

Kid - "Did you know there are 100 persons in the world"

Me - " There is a bit more than that."

Kid - " No there isn't because 100 is where the numbers end."

Me - "oh thanks for letting me know that."

Kid (covering half his eyes) - "Did you know that I can see half the future?"

Me - "oh cool what do you look like.

Kid - "well you know older."

Autistic kid - "Help, K___ is being mean"

Staff - tell him to leave you alone"

kid - "I don't use that language."

Staff - "Who should you give compliments to?"

Kid - "God and Jesus Christ, they really like it."

Kid - " Christina look what I got!" - kid shows me the instructions of a transformer

Me - "Wow you got a transformer!"

Kid " No my brother got the transformer, I got the instructions!!!!"

This kid loves to horde paper so it was thrilling to him.

That is all I can think of at the time. Unfortunately I don't get kids asking me how I got pregnant this year.

Here are more pictures of Vincent.

Jesse's 3 bear rendition of breakfast, oh I love my husband

stress

2010-08-14T16:37:00.001-07:00

This week has been stressful. Yesterday we went in to the doctor and since my blood pressure was high they sent us to the hospital to make sure that everything was okay. I had to lay in a hospital bed with monitors on my tummy while getting my blood pressure taken in one arm and my blood taken in the other arm, if that doesn't inspire more stress I'm not sure what will. Jesse had to drag me over there because I didn't want to go because I was scared. I hope thats not how I will react when I do go into labor. I was scared of being induced with all the possible complications, but I just didn't feel ready, I always thought that when I would go into labor I would have contractions to get me ready for it. Anyway I got to lay on the bed of death and wait for all the tests to come back for two hours. I think Jesse was excited because we might have the baby that day, I was not and was annoyed by his unwillingness to support me and my fears (can guys ever really care, its not their body going through hell). I love my husband, but I think he really wants pregnant Christina to be gone. The baby's heartbeat was really good. He kept kicking the monitors and trying to move away from them. The nurse kept having to move the monitor and said well your baby sure seems healthy. That was comforting. My blood pressure dropped and was fine. My blood tests all came back normal. Now I get the lovely opportunity of keeping 24 hours worth of urine. Too much information??? I thought it was annoying to have to pee three times a night, but now I had to put it into a jug. Oh such a hassle . . the things we do for children. In about fifteen minutes that will be over and I get to do the whole monitoring thing again at the hospital. I went to Ikea for my mom's birthday and didn't go pee for a long time - there is nothing worse than being a pregnant woman who has to pee On a side note, i had no idea that i peed so much in a 24 hour period - sick and gross. As I was miserable in Ikea I thought of the ten most miserable things in pregnancy.

1. having to pee all the time in various containers

2. swollen extremities

3. the inability to bend

4. the inability to sleep

5. the inability to eat without feeling sick

6. the vast amount of puke that can come out of you

7. feeling unattractive

8. stretch marks

9. waiting

10. the unbearable heat

The End (There were many more that I wont get into.)

babys rom and general discomfort

2010-07-12T20:14:00.000-07:00

We finished the baby's room yesterday and I literally cried because it is so adorable and made me feel so happy. Here are some pictures of it.

My mother has moved out = Jesse and I are feeling somewhat normal again.

We have forty days left until the baby and that is pretty much the only thing on my brain.

why can't I get up?

2010-04-02T15:10:00.000-07:00

Well I have found my friday wasted today. It started out promising, I woke up early adn headed off to work for a half day. Around one when I got home I found myself curled up (as much as you can with a baby in your belly) on my couch unable to move. Thee hours later I am still here. I feel kind of pathetic. I read in some pregnancy book about how you hit the lull of pregnancy where you are tired of being pregnant and you just want the dang kid already!!! I think I might be feeling that. However being a psychology major background I have taken it further to analyze exactly what has been going on in life.

Now I ask you why would you cry hysterically every time you listen to such songs as "This Used to Be My Playground" by Madonna, "I will remember you," by Sarah McLachlan. "Landlside," by Fleetwood Mac, "As Tears Fall," and pretty much any Samples song. Okay if you are really confused now, these songs make me cry because they remind me of home. I'm really not the typical misser of home, I couldn't wait to leave it for the first 17 years of my life, but my mom has sold her house. I have had to bear the emotional support for my mom and suddenly I found myself bawling after having a dream about my house. How do you let go of all the memories and realizing that you can never experience the place you had them in again? I accepted long ago that home will never be that place where I feel like I belong. there is something about leaving home that makes it so you can really never come back and feel as if that is where you should be. I love how Catcher In the Rye embodies that feeling of not belonging any longer. So what do I do? Every-time I picture myself entering that those I can't handle the feeling of emptiness. I feel like I will totally lose it when I go home. My mom can't handle anyone else freaking out, she does that enough for everyone. Anyway I suppose that is one reason I am sad.

Well I started this blog a couple weeks ago.

The day before I left I chopped all of my hair off. It may have been a pregnancy thing, but really when I think about it I think it was a symbol of me cutting off something that was part of m e i.e. my home and past. Maybe it was cathartic, cut I am still not crazy about my hair. One of my kids told m e it was beautiful so that made me feel better.

We went last week and moved out. I have to admit that I cried the whole entire time. Just looking at the house empty made me die a little bit inside. The funnies part is that my mom said later on that i am very unemotional and never cry. I'm pretty sure that I cried the most. Adam was glad to leave. I tried to think of every bad memory that I could. I couldn't think of any.

With my mom driving me crazy and the stress I feel as if I have gone a bit nuts. The drive back from CO was 11 hours because we were following the moving truck. My mother whined the whole entire drive. I'm sure she will say it is my fault that she is sick when she decides that she is. We3 moved all of her stuff into the storage unit that day.

The next day I went back to work.

The next day I went to work then the ultrasound. We are having a boy! I think his name will be Vince. I had no emotion yesterday. After all the crap I was worrying about at home I couldn't bring myself to show any emotion. I couldn't even bring myself to call hardly anyone, Jesse called most of my family and friends. I started thinking that I would be a bad mother to a little boy. My mother made me cry after the appointment because she asked the doctor if I was gaining weight too much. I am actually right on track, but you don't say that to a pregnant woman. Everything is well with our baby boy. He is moving more than ever. He distracts me all of the time,. I just hope I can live up to being the mother he needs.

Today the next day I had my licensing exam for becoming a Social Service Worker. I had to wake up early and I was really stressing out about this. I hadn't really had any time to study for it as is evident by this long blog. I showed up this morning and did the three hour test. By the ned I was about to scratch my eyes out. I was starting to be unable to comprehend simple words. it really has been far too long since I have been in school. Well I was worried about passing due to the cost. I PASSED !!!! I did actually quite well. What a stupid test. I will get a second raise this month. At least I know God has some mercies. My mother is still harping at me, her voice hasn't started yelling at me agin.

Good news

2010-02-12T10:12:00.001-08:00

With one day left till I'm 13 weeks, I guess I can announce that I'M PREGNANT!!!!! So if I have been acting dazed out, or freaked out, or tired, or sickly now you know why. I feel like the world should know I'm pregnant it is the thing that occupies all my thoughts. Plus I think I am so fat that who wouldn't know. I knew I was pregnant when my dog wouldn't stop sniffing my butt. Thank you Lucy. I'm afraid for the deformities my child will probably have because of my two bouts of srep throat and the flu. Thanks to my mom I'mpretty sure that everyone already knows anyway. Jesse and I are so excited and petrified. Here is the ultra sound from last week.

On another note I have discovered two new songs that I love. Last request by Paulo something and Lullaby by Creed. Both songs make me cry. That may not say much seeing as I am always crying. If you want to check out some awesome Regina Spektor songs, these are my favorites. - One more time with Feeling, Laughing With, Hero, Blue Lips, and Eet.

Christmas and the following sickness

2010-01-11T10:24:00.000-08:00

I really haven't written in far too long. For Christmas we went to my brother Adam's house in California. It was much warmer there -FINALLY WARMTH!!! Here is a family picture. I can't believe how big our family is now.
Its amazing that we all fit in one house. It was one of the first successful holidays without any major blowouts, mostly from my mother.
Jesse won my brother's affection by bringing a prime rib roast that was the hugest thing I have ever seen.
Breanne announced she was pregnant by having her youngest open a gift that was a shirt that said "I'm going to be a big sister." I was shocked, I'm not going to lie. Shes due at the end of July.

Due to the high volume of people in one house and the great quantity of slobber - I got sick (although I think I got it from my mom). I'm still trying to get over that, but while having that I came down with strep throat. So now I have plenty of time to write in my blog because I have been stuck at home for the last four days. I am doing a lot better, except i have run out of TV shows to watch online. Well actually if you really have nothing to do CBS has the original star trek episodes online. They are pretty awesome actually. Although when you are sick the noises make you a little nauseous. Jesse is already back to work after having strep throat for less time. He is such a tank he gets sick and is out for one-to-two days. Dang my crappy immune system.

talking away I don't know what to say but I'll say it anyway

2009-06-23T20:31:00.001-07:00

I realized that my blog really needs updating. So I guess while I make a cd for my trip that I will update the blog.
Well today was one of those days where I think I should just shut myself in a room and have no human contact because I think i pissed every living soul off. It makes me wonder what I got myself into by sealing my fate in provo. I planned a ton of stuff for the weekend before Dara's bday, but then I didn't even call her on her birthday. I keep doing stupid things like that.
Well on a more upbeat note, I am leaving for California on friday. I think I need a long break from everything. We are going to go to san diego, then we are going up to the saquilia forest and going camping with my brother and fam. Then we are going to st George. I just want to do a few specific things, but I won't go into detail.
We are getting a lot further in the process with the house. We will hear officially by next week. I hope to get the H*** out of this apartment and its great lack of a dishwasher.
Well despite not calling Dara for her birthday I had a lot of fun planning and spoiling her. We went to an Irish restuarant in Jordan called Mcools. It was okay, really cheesy though. We then went to 7 peaks and did the summer party AKA drunk high schooler grinding party. It was still really fun though. The next day we did a picnic. I hope she liked it.

house searching

2009-05-29T23:54:00.001-07:00

Jesse adn I made a bid on a house today. What are we thinking? I don't know I think this will seal the rest of my life in provo. Please kill me now. I told Jesse I would be happy as long as I was with him, was that true? Well I feel like if we get this house than it will be a great deal, but as my father in law put it, "you need five bedrooms like you need a hole in the head." That is very true, but houses are the same price iwht two bedrooms. I think I am really irritable aabout this because it is a huge commitment and wow I feel like I'm marrying someone again.
I can't beliee how fast time is flying. Jesse and I are approaching 7 nonths of marriage. Erin is six months along. Kids are getting older, I have ben working at my new job for two months, teh Adreadakis reunion is drawing closer and etc. I have to say after attending Erins baby shower that I'm glad that i am not in a BYU married ward because it feels like the race to the baby. It is way too much pressure. What if you couldn't ahve kids? You would be scrutnized and judged.
Jesse is makin gme wake up at 8 on my day off, what a horrid man. Man is a strong word to call Jesse, maybe he will be called that when he can get his butt going without me being his mother. Can you tell I am annoyd wiht him today?
I went swimming iwht the girls today. We cleaned cars then went swimming. It was a lot of fun. I feel like I have felt disconnected from Krystal and part of me has started becoming annoyed at her for that, so I 'm sorry Krystal, you deserve a friend who would just say Krystal I mss you sometimes. It was good to see Dara. She is moving back to provo soon. We can be stuck in Provo together for the next few years, oh lovely. Well I love you girls, you make life enjoyable again. Oh i must mention Ashlee as well, she is my running buddy, who just lets me talk, oh how I need that. Anyway I love everyone else too.

Speed please

2009-05-05T21:02:00.001-07:00

We went camping this weekend. Oh yes camping as a married couple has certain unexpected perks - and yes it was monumental. Anyway, Jesse and I got to watch a puppy over the weekend. I don't think that we are ready for children. On my day off I kept thinking why is this sooo hard to get this puppy just to lay down and sleep. So it all begins. I went to my first relief society enrichment night tonight. We made freezer jam. I felt entirely weird and out of place. I think I have been spending too much time with kids recently. My friends played Feelings Uno last night. I thought it was therapeutic, but I think everyone else just thought I was annoying. I think that I m writin glike I am on speed. So I found the God Squad video on my wall. There was a video??? It was one of those moments I chose to forget. My gay ex really does look gay in it. I will never forget the embarresment. HOnestly I don't think kids likeme. I miss Dara. I am really not ready for a long day tomorrow

fat and life

2009-03-15T16:30:00.000-07:00

Well I decided that holy cow I have gained weight, thanks to birth control and Jesse's eating habits, so I decided to start running on friday. I think that I am reasonably in shape, I mean for heavens sake I ride my bike home from work everyday and that gives me quite the rush. Well I went running with Jesse, that was the first mistake. He is a monster with long legs and so yes he ran a lot faster than me. He even patronized me further by seeing how many times he could run back and forth between the point we were headed and me. Well I felt fine the next day. a little pain in my love handle area. Well then around seven pm hit and I am sore ahhhh. It still hurts today. My butt, my thighs, and my back all feel like stiff borads. The moral of this story is that I need to work out more. I am going to go runing a lot more. That is my goal of the summer.
Well I am still wowrking at the state hospital much to my dismay. I seem to be striking out a lot with jobs. well I will write more later when I am not busy. I know its been a while.

2008-11-23T16:03:00.001-08:00

At work for a long time

2008-11-23T13:59:00.000-08:00

I went to my new ward for the first time today as a married couple. It was weird, I found myself getting distracted by all of the children making noise. It was a nice relief, but so distracting I fell right asleep. I ended up asking the stake president what his name was againafter he had just given a talk. Wow I am a dork. I have been in the same stake for how llong? I am at work for the next eight hours and there is only one patient on this unit. What am I going to do? I guess I will write on here and tyr to make mey life seem amusing. I think I am goign to finish this book today, finally. I am actually relieved that I get a nice relacing break. Today was the first morning that I actually got to wake up late wiht my husband. . that is tryuly one of the greatest things in life. Well if I could tlak bout my job I would have a lot more to say so I guss that is it.

. . .

2008-11-21T12:29:00.000-08:00

Well I am married. . . . Its strange how you expect certain events of your life to change everything, well things are different, but not really the way you would think. I never get to see my husband because we work opposite schedules. I went from seeing him everyday all day to seeing him when we are in bed. It sucks. I was having a freak out yesterday and when I got to work I was crying and so I just told them I had a bladder infection and I needed to go home. That was quite the blatant lie and I have never done that before, but I was honestly not in a good state to be helping the mentally ill. Our apartment is a mess and I think that I am about ready to quit this job and go for one in which I just sit at a desk and don't have to use any sort of emotional strength.
Well the wedding was awesome. The reception was long. The honeymoon was not long enough. We drove from provo to las vegas to sandiego to Colorado Springs and back to Utah all in one week. What were we thinking? We used to love to go on long drives together, but recently our interests have turned from that to other . . . things.
I think I might have killed more gold fish today because I fed them a lot on accident. The food came pouring out. None are dead yet but they are acting peculiar.
I hate working this schedule!!! I can't even call any friends to hang out because everyone else works in the monring.
That is all i have to say I suppose

Don't read this if you are a guy or easily offended

2008-09-08T01:22:00.001-07:00

Ok I really haven't writtten in a while, but a bunch of funny good things have happened in my life. Well just so you all are aware I am up at 2 am not by choice but because I am at work, working the whole night then moving to my next job at seven am till 1 pm. What was I thinking?"?? Well Jesse made some good ice cream tonight, he is a conteseur of making home made ice cream, just one more reason Krystal should come home. I really have more interesting things to say other than that, but I was compelled to write it. Well Jesse asked me a good question today that I have been thinking about. Are you my big boobs some sort of fluke. While I am not quite sure what he meant by that i have been thinking 1. God has a sense of humor. 2. Genetic screw up. 3. Hormones are out of control in a weird way. This stems because I mad e a recent expensive purchase. After my sisters recent criticisms that I don't take care of myself and I need a better bra. I broke down against all of my frustrations and anguish withe the cruel cruel world of bras and went to dillards. My friend Ashlee had told me that she heard they have the "abnormal" sizes that I might need. I was kind of put off by the whole situation because time after time they tell me I am a 36 DD, but I bust out of it and it hikes up my back because my ribs are not that big. Well I went ot Dillards and the girl just walked right into the dressing room with me after I asked her if they had weird sizes. Then she demanded that I take off my shirt. I took a deep breath and thought "Why God do these type of things happen to me." So I did it and she measured me at a 32 I. What is a 32 I??? Well they didn't have that size but they did have 34 g. The girl then helped me put on all the bras and stayed right by my half naked side while I did it to tell me how it fit. It was a little awkward because she then brought in the other girl about my size and thye were both like "woah. . . thats crazy." Theres nothing like feeling like a circus freak. I do have to say they fit amazingly compared to any bra I have ever put on before. Yes they don't fit perfectly, but I don't have to fill so self conscious that my next move may be a bad one. It really was a happy story. I bought four bras and spent a lot of money, because people that are abnormal freaks of nature have to pay more for their stuff. It doens't make sense to me considering it probably is less material than someone a lot bigger. I really hope this subject isn't too inappropriate, but it really was just one of those times in my life where I had to wonder how I got there and what does the future hold.
Well I checked out flowers this weekend. I also kind of lost it this weekend. Jesse asked me what I wanted as far as a backdrop and I started exploding saying "how should I know what I want for a freaking back drop, who really cares, we are already in a gym, you can't exactly hide that fact with a stupid backdrop that i stand in front of." Then I really started going off saying, "why don't you just choose the stupid thing, how many decisions do you think that i can make, I decided everything and I CAN'T MAKE ANY MORE DECISIONS!!!" I still think that the whole thing is stupid and jesse is getting picky about details like cakes and the what not so i just don't think we have enough money and i really just need to chill out, Its funny that whenvever i get off the hormone injections of BC I tend to be a little . . . welll. . . out of control and ridiculous. I'm sorry that anyone had to deal with me off of it. Honestly its probablay just an excuse.
I went ot a greek festival on a double date wiht my sister and her boyfriend. Jesse ate everything there was to eat and then said it was subpar. I'm not really sure why he ate so much of it then, but it was funny watching him go. I like my sisters boyfirned I think they work very well together. I feel like sometimes she is afraid that he is going to find out some deep dark secret about her, because whenever i tell funny stories from her past she gives me this helpless look of I hate you and I"m going to cry. I wish she could realize that he soaks it up and love it. Come on who wouldn't love to hear Liz's weird stories.
I saw Dara for the first time this week and it was really funny. For some reason everytime we are together items in our mouths become projectile and that is truly one of hte vbest memories of Dara. Well hte server here is reseting in four minutes, thus meaning I have to go. Its been funa nd only three and a half hours to go. Wahoo

Life

2008-08-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

So I have seen a new side of myself. Well Athena the crazy old lady came into Allens of course she wante3d the little greek girl to help her. So I helped her. First she tells me hwo she is soooo fat. This lady is like 105 lbs. Of course I tell her shes not. She starts complaining about how everything has too much salt in it, then still picked up a can of really salty soup. Next she wanted some fruit. She kept saying "what is that? is that a peach? I cfan't see I'm blind." I helped her and I was sure glad that I hadn't lost it completely like all crazy greek women. Well We were waiting in the checkout line and she turns around to the girl behind her and tells her shes beautiful and asks her whe came from. The girl was from Mexico and so Athena states "you would never know, you look like a beautiful European." I couldn't believe that she pretty much insulted the girl when she thought she was giving her a compliment. Then seh turns to the girl in the line and says the u sual that she will skin her hide if she doesn't give the right amount of change. The girl looked scared. well we3 were walking out the door and she started telling me how people think she is so funny. She is just joking and she is so funny. I suddenly realizied at that moment that I do all of those things. I am already blind, overly conscious about my weight, hate salty foods but eat them constantly, say awkward things and I think I am funny. I think that it is too late for me I am doomed to utter craziness. I will quote the commercial that is playing right now. " I say goodbye. Hello Hello." I'm glad that I am coming to terms with my craziness.
Well this week was actually pretty traumatizing at allens. I was working gravges and then sleeping for 2-3 hours then going to Allens. I was already sooo tired and I had this old man yelling at me that I stole his money. I knew that I hadn't because it was the last five in the drawer and so I had to give him five ones instead. Well so he was literally yelling and wouldn't believe me even though he had the money in his hand. He insisted that he already had the money. Then there was this little eight year old girl and her sister that were sitting there staring at the makeup and kept coming in. They were obviously stealing just by the way they were acting. Well the girl sent up her cute little sister to return the stolen makeup. The best part was the little girl said that she decided she didn't want the most expensive lipstick and wanted to return it. Its kidno f odd how this girl wasn't even old enough to wwear maekup let alone the most expensive kind. Well so I took the item, dont' forget that the other guy was still yelling really loud. I went to the computer and checked when it was last bought. Funny thing was that it ahd never beeen bought. I gave the item to my supervisor and she kept it and I basically just ran away from the whole situation. I was kind of hyperventalating. Then Laurie, Jesse's mom, called me oer and she wanted to introduce me to this lady that was the mother of Jesse's friend that commit suicide. The lady started crying when i was talknig to her. I just didn't know what to do ohter than say nice things and give her a hug. . I went and sat down adfter this and just wanted to cry. then the old man came back who thought i stole his money. He found me adn wanted to talk to me. I thought he was goign to literally shoot me, but instead of pulling a gun out of his poicked he pulled out a five dollar bill. He realized that he screwed up and felt really bad. So he gave me five bucks. That was nice. I was jsut emotionally spent. haaaa breathe out.
WEll the wedding plans are going slowly. Its hard when your bestrfriends are not around. just kidding. Well Jesse and I went ot Ikea on friday adn bought a bunch of tables. We did not have any of those at all. We got a bed last week, a really cheap used futon that looks really nice, a bookcase, and my favorite accent pillows for hte couch. Our apartment looks awesome. I got the dark wood tables and we have a light couch and then we ahve the blue accent pillows that adds this awesome effect. I am stoked out about it. I've decided to do the cake with the sour cream for my wedding cake. It should be delicious. I am probably going to try to get it done at allens for really cheap.
I've started wedding dress shopping. I have to get a dress that is way too big to fit my boobs. The waist ahs to be lower so that I dont' look like I'm all chest. but I really want lifts i the dress because thats what I like. I found one that i liked all right but it just needed a lot of work to be beautiful. there was not any beading on it and theere was a belt thing on it that was just ugly so I would have to replace that. But it rfelt really well on my chest. I hate my booobs I am about to cut htem off. I relaly think that they have gotten bigger. Well day two of teh shpping will stsart after work today

2008-07-26T09:26:00.000-07:00

This Sunday I am not only giving a talk at church, but I am also teaching a lesson. I have the lesson done, but I haven't started the talk. How do you give a talk on a talk??? Especially the short one that i have on tithing. Life is awesome. I realized something about Jesse that makes my heart flutter even more. I always wanted to marry a guy who was very respectful of church leaders. I went to institute with Jesse and he stayed after to help clean up all the books and chairs and put them away. Then he went up to the teacher and talked with him further. Suddenly I realized, this boy is a much much better Mormon than I have ever been. He puts his whole heart and soul into every lesson and gets so excited about his calling as a ward missionary. Heavens to betsy I can't even remember when my home teachers are coming over even when I planned my whole day around it. Hes a great guy. Its been an interesting road. We've been looking for furniture and I have a lot of the color schemes I want picked out. Too bad we can only afford walmart furniture. this next month I will be paying for both apartments and on top of that my security deposit leaving me with no money. I will have two apartments though wahoo, what else could I want?? Yes it kind of sucks.
So weird thing last night, someone called me at one in the morning and so I had my phone in my hand when I woke up this morning, but I never answered the call. I was really confused when I woke up.
Good news I found vitawater that doesn't taste like cough syrup, it is the lemonade one. I wonder if you are supposed to refrigerate after opening????
Well I am still waiting for my ring, wow it sucks waiting for money to come. Everyone else knows what it looks like except me. Wow I am such a brat.
I had an interview this week and i think I really sucked it up. There were five people asking questions and I'm pretty sure that I would forget to answer the whole question because I would get so nervous in the middle of it that I would forget what I was even saying. So that was fun, especially since my boss was in the room too. blah.
Jesse already got a raise and is making more money than me after one day at his job. . I"m glad someone is making money even without his bachelors degree. How pathetic! Well I beter get back to something that I was doing

????

2008-07-22T16:51:00.000-07:00

All I have to say is, how the hey am I still finding new old coldplay songs that I love with every fiber of my being. The one i found this week is Sparks. I don't get how I have never even realized how many good songs I don't realize are out there of coldplay. They always come one at a time never all at once. I had a horrendous day today. This is the first time that I have been able to sit down all day. I started the day by going to work at eight, then I had an interview (oh how i hate them), then I signed up for an apartment ( I was tossing and turning about this all night -MARRIAGE- oh what horror and hell), then i went back to work which I only ended up working half the day, then I went to my other job for training and ended up having to stay, I took a client to his doctors anointment, and finally now for this brief interval of 10 minutes do I get to sit down. Now i have to leave. Why I just want to sit in the air conditioning and listen to Bob Marley and wonder what i was thinking when I signed my life away literally or figuratively. Well guess I should go ahhhhh.
By the way anyone who really knows me should know I impose this upon myself, so don't ever ever feel sorry for me.

2008-07-17T15:50:00.000-07:00

I am starting this blog because I hope that I can work out my deeply rooted problems through exploring my inner self (ha ha yeah right, it would take a lot more than that). Mostly I just want to keep in touch with my sweetness Krystal and my darling dearest Dara and whoever else feels like reading this deeply torturing blog. I have been working a lot!!! In order to fill the void of school I have begun to work 40-50 hours a week. Nothing keeps me more entertained than working at Wasatch Mental Health. I have finally found home, it especially makes me miss my mother. Please don't take that the wrong way, its only as screwed up as you can imagine. Well getting married has also been a focus and burden of my strength. I've decided to just move into the apartment that Jesse and I will live in when we get married. Yes I said it, when we get married. He is getting ordained a priest this Sunday and will be getting his Melchezidik priesthood in the next three to four months, thus placing us back on the November track. I think I"m mostly in it so I don't have to deal with anymore nasty room mates. I would have my own apartment for three months, oh baby i'm excited.
My brother Mike, his wife and four children were in town for the fourth of july. It was honestly the first time I have had so much fun with my brother. We double dated and went to Lagoon, it was so fun. I realized that I am not ready for a toddler because I watched my sweet little niece Cassidy for the fourth and well it was hard hard work. Three year olds are emotionally unbalanced, even more than I am. It was fun though. I also got to watch my nephew who is a baby and that was really easy and fun.
I like my ward a lot right now. I am the relief society teacher and I've never had so much fun with a calling. It forces me to be social.
OH on a side note I saw Les mIserables as a play for an activity with the clients at Wasatch. I started crying at the beginning as thought about the book. It was kind of sad especially considering kids were putting on the play and most of them couldn't sing. I won serious brownie points with my boss for planning that activity.
Second side note which is mostly for Krystal - I was at Liberty square pool and I saw Jason Okinaka, my old home teacher from freshmen year. We were talking about people we still keep in touch with and I brought up Krystal and he made a comment how she has the most amazing eyes and he loved to look into them, so I made a comment of yeah I know what you mean I get lost in them too. The conversation ended shortly after that. I really couldn't resist saying that. I have way too many guys always telling me how hot Krystal is. When I really think about it, I think some jealousy might have played into my frustrations with her sophomore year. So I'm sorry Krystal.
I had a sad dream that my dad died and the whole time I was wishing that I talked to him more, well I'm going to call him.