house searching

Jesse adn I made a bid on a house today. What are we thinking? I don't know I think this will seal the rest of my life in provo. Please kill me now. I told Jesse I would be happy as long as I was with him, was that true? Well I feel like if we get this house than it will be a great deal, but as my father in law put it, "you need five bedrooms like you need a hole in the head." That is very true, but houses are the same price iwht two bedrooms. I think I am really irritable aabout this because it is a huge commitment and wow I feel like I'm marrying someone again.
I can't beliee how fast time is flying. Jesse and I are approaching 7 nonths of marriage. Erin is six months along. Kids are getting older, I have ben working at my new job for two months, teh Adreadakis reunion is drawing closer and etc. I have to say after attending Erins baby shower that I'm glad that i am not in a BYU married ward because it feels like the race to the baby. It is way too much pressure. What if you couldn't ahve kids? You would be scrutnized and judged.
Jesse is makin gme wake up at 8 on my day off, what a horrid man. Man is a strong word to call Jesse, maybe he will be called that when he can get his butt going without me being his mother. Can you tell I am annoyd wiht him today?
I went swimming iwht the girls today. We cleaned cars then went swimming. It was a lot of fun. I feel like I have felt disconnected from Krystal and part of me has started becoming annoyed at her for that, so I 'm sorry Krystal, you deserve a friend who would just say Krystal I mss you sometimes. It was good to see Dara. She is moving back to provo soon. We can be stuck in Provo together for the next few years, oh lovely. Well I love you girls, you make life enjoyable again. Oh i must mention Ashlee as well, she is my running buddy, who just lets me talk, oh how I need that. Anyway I love everyone else too.

Speed please

We went camping this weekend. Oh yes camping as a married couple has certain unexpected perks - and yes it was monumental. Anyway, Jesse and I got to watch a puppy over the weekend. I don't think that we are ready for children. On my day off I kept thinking why is this sooo hard to get this puppy just to lay down and sleep. So it all begins. I went to my first relief society enrichment night tonight. We made freezer jam. I felt entirely weird and out of place. I think I have been spending too much time with kids recently. My friends played Feelings Uno last night. I thought it was therapeutic, but I think everyone else just thought I was annoying. I think that I m writin glike I am on speed. So I found the God Squad video on my wall. There was a video??? It was one of those moments I chose to forget. My gay ex really does look gay in it. I will never forget the embarresment. HOnestly I don't think kids likeme. I miss Dara. I am really not ready for a long day tomorrow

fat and life

Well I decided that holy cow I have gained weight, thanks to birth control and Jesse's eating habits, so I decided to start running on friday. I think that I am reasonably in shape, I mean for heavens sake I ride my bike home from work everyday and that gives me quite the rush. Well I went running with Jesse, that was the first mistake. He is a monster with long legs and so yes he ran a lot faster than me. He even patronized me further by seeing how many times he could run back and forth between the point we were headed and me. Well I felt fine the next day. a little pain in my love handle area. Well then around seven pm hit and I am sore ahhhh. It still hurts today. My butt, my thighs, and my back all feel like stiff borads. The moral of this story is that I need to work out more. I am going to go runing a lot more. That is my goal of the summer.
Well I am still wowrking at the state hospital much to my dismay. I seem to be striking out a lot with jobs. well I will write more later when I am not busy. I know its been a while.

At work for a long time

I went to my new ward for the first time today as a married couple. It was weird, I found myself getting distracted by all of the children making noise. It was a nice relief, but so distracting I fell right asleep. I ended up asking the stake president what his name was againafter he had just given a talk. Wow I am a dork. I have been in the same stake for how llong? I am at work for the next eight hours and there is only one patient on this unit. What am I going to do? I guess I will write on here and tyr to make mey life seem amusing. I think I am goign to finish this book today, finally. I am actually relieved that I get a nice relacing break. Today was the first morning that I actually got to wake up late wiht my husband. . that is tryuly one of the greatest things in life. Well if I could tlak bout my job I would have a lot more to say so I guss that is it.

. . .

Well I am married. . . . Its strange how you expect certain events of your life to change everything, well things are different, but not really the way you would think. I never get to see my husband because we work opposite schedules. I went from seeing him everyday all day to seeing him when we are in bed. It sucks. I was having a freak out yesterday and when I got to work I was crying and so I just told them I had a bladder infection and I needed to go home. That was quite the blatant lie and I have never done that before, but I was honestly not in a good state to be helping the mentally ill. Our apartment is a mess and I think that I am about ready to quit this job and go for one in which I just sit at a desk and don't have to use any sort of emotional strength.
Well the wedding was awesome. The reception was long. The honeymoon was not long enough. We drove from provo to las vegas to sandiego to Colorado Springs and back to Utah all in one week. What were we thinking? We used to love to go on long drives together, but recently our interests have turned from that to other . . . things.
I think I might have killed more gold fish today because I fed them a lot on accident. The food came pouring out. None are dead yet but they are acting peculiar.
I hate working this schedule!!! I can't even call any friends to hang out because everyone else works in the monring.
That is all i have to say I suppose

Don't read this if you are a guy or easily offended

Ok I really haven't writtten in a while, but a bunch of funny good things have happened in my life. Well just so you all are aware I am up at 2 am not by choice but because I am at work, working the whole night then moving to my next job at seven am till 1 pm. What was I thinking?"?? Well Jesse made some good ice cream tonight, he is a conteseur of making home made ice cream, just one more reason Krystal should come home. I really have more interesting things to say other than that, but I was compelled to write it. Well Jesse asked me a good question today that I have been thinking about. Are you my big boobs some sort of fluke. While I am not quite sure what he meant by that i have been thinking 1. God has a sense of humor. 2. Genetic screw up. 3. Hormones are out of control in a weird way. This stems because I mad e a recent expensive purchase. After my sisters recent criticisms that I don't take care of myself and I need a better bra. I broke down against all of my frustrations and anguish withe the cruel cruel world of bras and went to dillards. My friend Ashlee had told me that she heard they have the "abnormal" sizes that I might need. I was kind of put off by the whole situation because time after time they tell me I am a 36 DD, but I bust out of it and it hikes up my back because my ribs are not that big. Well I went ot Dillards and the girl just walked right into the dressing room with me after I asked her if they had weird sizes. Then she demanded that I take off my shirt. I took a deep breath and thought "Why God do these type of things happen to me." So I did it and she measured me at a 32 I. What is a 32 I??? Well they didn't have that size but they did have 34 g. The girl then helped me put on all the bras and stayed right by my half naked side while I did it to tell me how it fit. It was a little awkward because she then brought in the other girl about my size and thye were both like "woah. . . thats crazy." Theres nothing like feeling like a circus freak. I do have to say they fit amazingly compared to any bra I have ever put on before. Yes they don't fit perfectly, but I don't have to fill so self conscious that my next move may be a bad one. It really was a happy story. I bought four bras and spent a lot of money, because people that are abnormal freaks of nature have to pay more for their stuff. It doens't make sense to me considering it probably is less material than someone a lot bigger. I really hope this subject isn't too inappropriate, but it really was just one of those times in my life where I had to wonder how I got there and what does the future hold.
Well I checked out flowers this weekend. I also kind of lost it this weekend. Jesse asked me what I wanted as far as a backdrop and I started exploding saying "how should I know what I want for a freaking back drop, who really cares, we are already in a gym, you can't exactly hide that fact with a stupid backdrop that i stand in front of." Then I really started going off saying, "why don't you just choose the stupid thing, how many decisions do you think that i can make, I decided everything and I CAN'T MAKE ANY MORE DECISIONS!!!" I still think that the whole thing is stupid and jesse is getting picky about details like cakes and the what not so i just don't think we have enough money and i really just need to chill out, Its funny that whenvever i get off the hormone injections of BC I tend to be a little . . . welll. . . out of control and ridiculous. I'm sorry that anyone had to deal with me off of it. Honestly its probablay just an excuse.
I went ot a greek festival on a double date wiht my sister and her boyfriend. Jesse ate everything there was to eat and then said it was subpar. I'm not really sure why he ate so much of it then, but it was funny watching him go. I like my sisters boyfirned I think they work very well together. I feel like sometimes she is afraid that he is going to find out some deep dark secret about her, because whenever i tell funny stories from her past she gives me this helpless look of I hate you and I"m going to cry. I wish she could realize that he soaks it up and love it. Come on who wouldn't love to hear Liz's weird stories.
I saw Dara for the first time this week and it was really funny. For some reason everytime we are together items in our mouths become projectile and that is truly one of hte vbest memories of Dara. Well hte server here is reseting in four minutes, thus meaning I have to go. Its been funa nd only three and a half hours to go. Wahoo