talking away I don't know what to say but I'll say it anyway

I realized that my blog really needs updating. So I guess while I make a cd for my trip that I will update the blog.
Well today was one of those days where I think I should just shut myself in a room and have no human contact because I think i pissed every living soul off. It makes me wonder what I got myself into by sealing my fate in provo. I planned a ton of stuff for the weekend before Dara's bday, but then I didn't even call her on her birthday. I keep doing stupid things like that.
Well on a more upbeat note, I am leaving for California on friday. I think I need a long break from everything. We are going to go to san diego, then we are going up to the saquilia forest and going camping with my brother and fam. Then we are going to st George. I just want to do a few specific things, but I won't go into detail.
We are getting a lot further in the process with the house. We will hear officially by next week. I hope to get the H*** out of this apartment and its great lack of a dishwasher.
Well despite not calling Dara for her birthday I had a lot of fun planning and spoiling her. We went to an Irish restuarant in Jordan called Mcools. It was okay, really cheesy though. We then went to 7 peaks and did the summer party AKA drunk high schooler grinding party. It was still really fun though. The next day we did a picnic. I hope she liked it.

house searching

Jesse adn I made a bid on a house today. What are we thinking? I don't know I think this will seal the rest of my life in provo. Please kill me now. I told Jesse I would be happy as long as I was with him, was that true? Well I feel like if we get this house than it will be a great deal, but as my father in law put it, "you need five bedrooms like you need a hole in the head." That is very true, but houses are the same price iwht two bedrooms. I think I am really irritable aabout this because it is a huge commitment and wow I feel like I'm marrying someone again.
I can't beliee how fast time is flying. Jesse and I are approaching 7 nonths of marriage. Erin is six months along. Kids are getting older, I have ben working at my new job for two months, teh Adreadakis reunion is drawing closer and etc. I have to say after attending Erins baby shower that I'm glad that i am not in a BYU married ward because it feels like the race to the baby. It is way too much pressure. What if you couldn't ahve kids? You would be scrutnized and judged.
Jesse is makin gme wake up at 8 on my day off, what a horrid man. Man is a strong word to call Jesse, maybe he will be called that when he can get his butt going without me being his mother. Can you tell I am annoyd wiht him today?
I went swimming iwht the girls today. We cleaned cars then went swimming. It was a lot of fun. I feel like I have felt disconnected from Krystal and part of me has started becoming annoyed at her for that, so I 'm sorry Krystal, you deserve a friend who would just say Krystal I mss you sometimes. It was good to see Dara. She is moving back to provo soon. We can be stuck in Provo together for the next few years, oh lovely. Well I love you girls, you make life enjoyable again. Oh i must mention Ashlee as well, she is my running buddy, who just lets me talk, oh how I need that. Anyway I love everyone else too.

Speed please

We went camping this weekend. Oh yes camping as a married couple has certain unexpected perks - and yes it was monumental. Anyway, Jesse and I got to watch a puppy over the weekend. I don't think that we are ready for children. On my day off I kept thinking why is this sooo hard to get this puppy just to lay down and sleep. So it all begins. I went to my first relief society enrichment night tonight. We made freezer jam. I felt entirely weird and out of place. I think I have been spending too much time with kids recently. My friends played Feelings Uno last night. I thought it was therapeutic, but I think everyone else just thought I was annoying. I think that I m writin glike I am on speed. So I found the God Squad video on my wall. There was a video??? It was one of those moments I chose to forget. My gay ex really does look gay in it. I will never forget the embarresment. HOnestly I don't think kids likeme. I miss Dara. I am really not ready for a long day tomorrow

fat and life

Well I decided that holy cow I have gained weight, thanks to birth control and Jesse's eating habits, so I decided to start running on friday. I think that I am reasonably in shape, I mean for heavens sake I ride my bike home from work everyday and that gives me quite the rush. Well I went running with Jesse, that was the first mistake. He is a monster with long legs and so yes he ran a lot faster than me. He even patronized me further by seeing how many times he could run back and forth between the point we were headed and me. Well I felt fine the next day. a little pain in my love handle area. Well then around seven pm hit and I am sore ahhhh. It still hurts today. My butt, my thighs, and my back all feel like stiff borads. The moral of this story is that I need to work out more. I am going to go runing a lot more. That is my goal of the summer.
Well I am still wowrking at the state hospital much to my dismay. I seem to be striking out a lot with jobs. well I will write more later when I am not busy. I know its been a while.