At work for a long time

I went to my new ward for the first time today as a married couple. It was weird, I found myself getting distracted by all of the children making noise. It was a nice relief, but so distracting I fell right asleep. I ended up asking the stake president what his name was againafter he had just given a talk. Wow I am a dork. I have been in the same stake for how llong? I am at work for the next eight hours and there is only one patient on this unit. What am I going to do? I guess I will write on here and tyr to make mey life seem amusing. I think I am goign to finish this book today, finally. I am actually relieved that I get a nice relacing break. Today was the first morning that I actually got to wake up late wiht my husband. . that is tryuly one of the greatest things in life. Well if I could tlak bout my job I would have a lot more to say so I guss that is it.

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Well I am married. . . . Its strange how you expect certain events of your life to change everything, well things are different, but not really the way you would think. I never get to see my husband because we work opposite schedules. I went from seeing him everyday all day to seeing him when we are in bed. It sucks. I was having a freak out yesterday and when I got to work I was crying and so I just told them I had a bladder infection and I needed to go home. That was quite the blatant lie and I have never done that before, but I was honestly not in a good state to be helping the mentally ill. Our apartment is a mess and I think that I am about ready to quit this job and go for one in which I just sit at a desk and don't have to use any sort of emotional strength.
Well the wedding was awesome. The reception was long. The honeymoon was not long enough. We drove from provo to las vegas to sandiego to Colorado Springs and back to Utah all in one week. What were we thinking? We used to love to go on long drives together, but recently our interests have turned from that to other . . . things.
I think I might have killed more gold fish today because I fed them a lot on accident. The food came pouring out. None are dead yet but they are acting peculiar.
I hate working this schedule!!! I can't even call any friends to hang out because everyone else works in the monring.
That is all i have to say I suppose

Don't read this if you are a guy or easily offended

Ok I really haven't writtten in a while, but a bunch of funny good things have happened in my life. Well just so you all are aware I am up at 2 am not by choice but because I am at work, working the whole night then moving to my next job at seven am till 1 pm. What was I thinking?"?? Well Jesse made some good ice cream tonight, he is a conteseur of making home made ice cream, just one more reason Krystal should come home. I really have more interesting things to say other than that, but I was compelled to write it. Well Jesse asked me a good question today that I have been thinking about. Are you my big boobs some sort of fluke. While I am not quite sure what he meant by that i have been thinking 1. God has a sense of humor. 2. Genetic screw up. 3. Hormones are out of control in a weird way. This stems because I mad e a recent expensive purchase. After my sisters recent criticisms that I don't take care of myself and I need a better bra. I broke down against all of my frustrations and anguish withe the cruel cruel world of bras and went to dillards. My friend Ashlee had told me that she heard they have the "abnormal" sizes that I might need. I was kind of put off by the whole situation because time after time they tell me I am a 36 DD, but I bust out of it and it hikes up my back because my ribs are not that big. Well I went ot Dillards and the girl just walked right into the dressing room with me after I asked her if they had weird sizes. Then she demanded that I take off my shirt. I took a deep breath and thought "Why God do these type of things happen to me." So I did it and she measured me at a 32 I. What is a 32 I??? Well they didn't have that size but they did have 34 g. The girl then helped me put on all the bras and stayed right by my half naked side while I did it to tell me how it fit. It was a little awkward because she then brought in the other girl about my size and thye were both like "woah. . . thats crazy." Theres nothing like feeling like a circus freak. I do have to say they fit amazingly compared to any bra I have ever put on before. Yes they don't fit perfectly, but I don't have to fill so self conscious that my next move may be a bad one. It really was a happy story. I bought four bras and spent a lot of money, because people that are abnormal freaks of nature have to pay more for their stuff. It doens't make sense to me considering it probably is less material than someone a lot bigger. I really hope this subject isn't too inappropriate, but it really was just one of those times in my life where I had to wonder how I got there and what does the future hold.
Well I checked out flowers this weekend. I also kind of lost it this weekend. Jesse asked me what I wanted as far as a backdrop and I started exploding saying "how should I know what I want for a freaking back drop, who really cares, we are already in a gym, you can't exactly hide that fact with a stupid backdrop that i stand in front of." Then I really started going off saying, "why don't you just choose the stupid thing, how many decisions do you think that i can make, I decided everything and I CAN'T MAKE ANY MORE DECISIONS!!!" I still think that the whole thing is stupid and jesse is getting picky about details like cakes and the what not so i just don't think we have enough money and i really just need to chill out, Its funny that whenvever i get off the hormone injections of BC I tend to be a little . . . welll. . . out of control and ridiculous. I'm sorry that anyone had to deal with me off of it. Honestly its probablay just an excuse.
I went ot a greek festival on a double date wiht my sister and her boyfriend. Jesse ate everything there was to eat and then said it was subpar. I'm not really sure why he ate so much of it then, but it was funny watching him go. I like my sisters boyfirned I think they work very well together. I feel like sometimes she is afraid that he is going to find out some deep dark secret about her, because whenever i tell funny stories from her past she gives me this helpless look of I hate you and I"m going to cry. I wish she could realize that he soaks it up and love it. Come on who wouldn't love to hear Liz's weird stories.
I saw Dara for the first time this week and it was really funny. For some reason everytime we are together items in our mouths become projectile and that is truly one of hte vbest memories of Dara. Well hte server here is reseting in four minutes, thus meaning I have to go. Its been funa nd only three and a half hours to go. Wahoo

Life

So I have seen a new side of myself. Well Athena the crazy old lady came into Allens of course she wante3d the little greek girl to help her. So I helped her. First she tells me hwo she is soooo fat. This lady is like 105 lbs. Of course I tell her shes not. She starts complaining about how everything has too much salt in it, then still picked up a can of really salty soup. Next she wanted some fruit. She kept saying "what is that? is that a peach? I cfan't see I'm blind." I helped her and I was sure glad that I hadn't lost it completely like all crazy greek women. Well We were waiting in the checkout line and she turns around to the girl behind her and tells her shes beautiful and asks her whe came from. The girl was from Mexico and so Athena states "you would never know, you look like a beautiful European." I couldn't believe that she pretty much insulted the girl when she thought she was giving her a compliment. Then seh turns to the girl in the line and says the u sual that she will skin her hide if she doesn't give the right amount of change. The girl looked scared. well we3 were walking out the door and she started telling me how people think she is so funny. She is just joking and she is so funny. I suddenly realizied at that moment that I do all of those things. I am already blind, overly conscious about my weight, hate salty foods but eat them constantly, say awkward things and I think I am funny. I think that it is too late for me I am doomed to utter craziness. I will quote the commercial that is playing right now. " I say goodbye. Hello Hello." I'm glad that I am coming to terms with my craziness.
Well this week was actually pretty traumatizing at allens. I was working gravges and then sleeping for 2-3 hours then going to Allens. I was already sooo tired and I had this old man yelling at me that I stole his money. I knew that I hadn't because it was the last five in the drawer and so I had to give him five ones instead. Well so he was literally yelling and wouldn't believe me even though he had the money in his hand. He insisted that he already had the money. Then there was this little eight year old girl and her sister that were sitting there staring at the makeup and kept coming in. They were obviously stealing just by the way they were acting. Well the girl sent up her cute little sister to return the stolen makeup. The best part was the little girl said that she decided she didn't want the most expensive lipstick and wanted to return it. Its kidno f odd how this girl wasn't even old enough to wwear maekup let alone the most expensive kind. Well so I took the item, dont' forget that the other guy was still yelling really loud. I went to the computer and checked when it was last bought. Funny thing was that it ahd never beeen bought. I gave the item to my supervisor and she kept it and I basically just ran away from the whole situation. I was kind of hyperventalating. Then Laurie, Jesse's mom, called me oer and she wanted to introduce me to this lady that was the mother of Jesse's friend that commit suicide. The lady started crying when i was talknig to her. I just didn't know what to do ohter than say nice things and give her a hug. . I went and sat down adfter this and just wanted to cry. then the old man came back who thought i stole his money. He found me adn wanted to talk to me. I thought he was goign to literally shoot me, but instead of pulling a gun out of his poicked he pulled out a five dollar bill. He realized that he screwed up and felt really bad. So he gave me five bucks. That was nice. I was jsut emotionally spent. haaaa breathe out.
WEll the wedding plans are going slowly. Its hard when your bestrfriends are not around. just kidding. Well Jesse and I went ot Ikea on friday adn bought a bunch of tables. We did not have any of those at all. We got a bed last week, a really cheap used futon that looks really nice, a bookcase, and my favorite accent pillows for hte couch. Our apartment looks awesome. I got the dark wood tables and we have a light couch and then we ahve the blue accent pillows that adds this awesome effect. I am stoked out about it. I've decided to do the cake with the sour cream for my wedding cake. It should be delicious. I am probably going to try to get it done at allens for really cheap.
I've started wedding dress shopping. I have to get a dress that is way too big to fit my boobs. The waist ahs to be lower so that I dont' look like I'm all chest. but I really want lifts i the dress because thats what I like. I found one that i liked all right but it just needed a lot of work to be beautiful. there was not any beading on it and theere was a belt thing on it that was just ugly so I would have to replace that. But it rfelt really well on my chest. I hate my booobs I am about to cut htem off. I relaly think that they have gotten bigger. Well day two of teh shpping will stsart after work today

This Sunday I am not only giving a talk at church, but I am also teaching a lesson. I have the lesson done, but I haven't started the talk. How do you give a talk on a talk??? Especially the short one that i have on tithing. Life is awesome. I realized something about Jesse that makes my heart flutter even more. I always wanted to marry a guy who was very respectful of church leaders. I went to institute with Jesse and he stayed after to help clean up all the books and chairs and put them away. Then he went up to the teacher and talked with him further. Suddenly I realized, this boy is a much much better Mormon than I have ever been. He puts his whole heart and soul into every lesson and gets so excited about his calling as a ward missionary. Heavens to betsy I can't even remember when my home teachers are coming over even when I planned my whole day around it. Hes a great guy. Its been an interesting road. We've been looking for furniture and I have a lot of the color schemes I want picked out. Too bad we can only afford walmart furniture. this next month I will be paying for both apartments and on top of that my security deposit leaving me with no money. I will have two apartments though wahoo, what else could I want?? Yes it kind of sucks.
So weird thing last night, someone called me at one in the morning and so I had my phone in my hand when I woke up this morning, but I never answered the call. I was really confused when I woke up.
Good news I found vitawater that doesn't taste like cough syrup, it is the lemonade one. I wonder if you are supposed to refrigerate after opening????
Well I am still waiting for my ring, wow it sucks waiting for money to come. Everyone else knows what it looks like except me. Wow I am such a brat.
I had an interview this week and i think I really sucked it up. There were five people asking questions and I'm pretty sure that I would forget to answer the whole question because I would get so nervous in the middle of it that I would forget what I was even saying. So that was fun, especially since my boss was in the room too. blah.
Jesse already got a raise and is making more money than me after one day at his job. . I"m glad someone is making money even without his bachelors degree. How pathetic! Well I beter get back to something that I was doing

????

All I have to say is, how the hey am I still finding new old coldplay songs that I love with every fiber of my being. The one i found this week is Sparks. I don't get how I have never even realized how many good songs I don't realize are out there of coldplay. They always come one at a time never all at once. I had a horrendous day today. This is the first time that I have been able to sit down all day. I started the day by going to work at eight, then I had an interview (oh how i hate them), then I signed up for an apartment ( I was tossing and turning about this all night -MARRIAGE- oh what horror and hell), then i went back to work which I only ended up working half the day, then I went to my other job for training and ended up having to stay, I took a client to his doctors anointment, and finally now for this brief interval of 10 minutes do I get to sit down. Now i have to leave. Why I just want to sit in the air conditioning and listen to Bob Marley and wonder what i was thinking when I signed my life away literally or figuratively. Well guess I should go ahhhhh.
By the way anyone who really knows me should know I impose this upon myself, so don't ever ever feel sorry for me.

I am starting this blog because I hope that I can work out my deeply rooted problems through exploring my inner self (ha ha yeah right, it would take a lot more than that). Mostly I just want to keep in touch with my sweetness Krystal and my darling dearest Dara and whoever else feels like reading this deeply torturing blog. I have been working a lot!!! In order to fill the void of school I have begun to work 40-50 hours a week. Nothing keeps me more entertained than working at Wasatch Mental Health. I have finally found home, it especially makes me miss my mother. Please don't take that the wrong way, its only as screwed up as you can imagine. Well getting married has also been a focus and burden of my strength. I've decided to just move into the apartment that Jesse and I will live in when we get married. Yes I said it, when we get married. He is getting ordained a priest this Sunday and will be getting his Melchezidik priesthood in the next three to four months, thus placing us back on the November track. I think I"m mostly in it so I don't have to deal with anymore nasty room mates. I would have my own apartment for three months, oh baby i'm excited.
My brother Mike, his wife and four children were in town for the fourth of july. It was honestly the first time I have had so much fun with my brother. We double dated and went to Lagoon, it was so fun. I realized that I am not ready for a toddler because I watched my sweet little niece Cassidy for the fourth and well it was hard hard work. Three year olds are emotionally unbalanced, even more than I am. It was fun though. I also got to watch my nephew who is a baby and that was really easy and fun.
I like my ward a lot right now. I am the relief society teacher and I've never had so much fun with a calling. It forces me to be social.
OH on a side note I saw Les mIserables as a play for an activity with the clients at Wasatch. I started crying at the beginning as thought about the book. It was kind of sad especially considering kids were putting on the play and most of them couldn't sing. I won serious brownie points with my boss for planning that activity.
Second side note which is mostly for Krystal - I was at Liberty square pool and I saw Jason Okinaka, my old home teacher from freshmen year. We were talking about people we still keep in touch with and I brought up Krystal and he made a comment how she has the most amazing eyes and he loved to look into them, so I made a comment of yeah I know what you mean I get lost in them too. The conversation ended shortly after that. I really couldn't resist saying that. I have way too many guys always telling me how hot Krystal is. When I really think about it, I think some jealousy might have played into my frustrations with her sophomore year. So I'm sorry Krystal.
I had a sad dream that my dad died and the whole time I was wishing that I talked to him more, well I'm going to call him.